I know I've said it before, but this time it is true...no more talking to Stephanie, not until I can talk to her without getting depressed or angry or sad or any of those negative feelings. You see, I've been dredging up themes from the past. She's been moving on. That was finally 100% illustrated to me tonight. I can't go on like this. I have to be completely isolated from her. So to that end, I've taken her off of my icq list (history backed up, of course), I put the url to her site in my hosts file. If I ever get the urge to check out her site I have to edit a file before I'll be allowed access to it. I've also resolved that whenever I start to think about her and what she's doing to wear myself out with pushups, crunches, dips, a run, whatever I need to get my mind focused on something else (and get in kickass shape).

So I'm also taking her off of my favorite diaries. Not because it isn't, but because it can't be...at least for right now. She is moving on, I am trying to hold onto the past. Those things don't coincide. The best times that I've had since we've been broken up were the times that I didn't talk to her. Those were the times when I felt the most in control.

I hope this isolation doesn't mean goodbye. I hope it will just be a good way to get on with my life. I have a lot going for me, I just need to allow myself to do it!

Oh man, looks like I owe myself some pushups. This entire entry is about her...ha ha ha.