Every once in a while a breakdown is necessary. I had one last night. I felt overwhelmed by my (admittedly self-imposed) situation. I didn't have anyone to talk to but fortunately Stephanie spent time talking to me online. It means so much to me to be able to be friends with her. I don't know anyone outside of family like her and I don't think I could stand to lose her as a friend. Of course, talking like that made me a little bit nostalgic but it wasn't enough to cause me to wonder about us. I still know what we are. It is just that sometimes I really miss her. I miss other people too. I sometimes think that I should just move away, back to Portland so I can have my support network. I want to but Portland isn't where I have to be right now; Eugene is. I'll need to figure out some way of surviving here though. I can't stand not having someone around who loves me and can support me when I can't support myself. I depend on other people. Although I often like being alone, I can't stand to be lonely. I felt lonely last night until I let go with Stephanie's help.

So after our conversation and after many tears shed I went to the store and got some food, ice cream, sake, and a movie. I huddled up on my chair and consumed those things. It was nice. I needed to have some me time at that point.

So today I've got some things to take care of. I'll catch you, Gentle Reader, on the flipside.