I am still in Portland right now. Tonight my mom and I are going to go see Bartleby. I never read the Melville book that this movie is based on, but lots of other kids at my high school had to, so much so that "I would prefer not to" became a part of my vernacular. I think it may again after seeing the movie tonight.

I've been having a pretty good couple of days. I've started this self talk technique. Whenever I think of something that puts me in a downward emotional spiral I conciously change the subject to something that will make me happier. I guess the idea is to eventually train your brain out of the downward spiral that it is used to. For example, often when I think of Stephanie meeting new dudes and um, other things, I get really sad and pissed off and whatnot. I've decided to make that subject my test case for the self talk technique. I won't tell you what I think of though, because it is really embarassing. It is seeming to work though.

I really need to get my plans started for moving back to Portland. I need to pack up. I need to rent a truck. I need to pick a date. I need to tell my roommates (but they are out of town). I'm not putting anyone in any kind of hardship by leaving. I still feel kind of bad about it. I shouldn't. Sure, I made a commitment, but I can get out of it and make myself happier. I need to keep this trend up and do what it is that I want, not what they want.

I guess that's about it for now. I'm not thinking with 100% clarity at the moment. The other night still hasn't completely worn off.