What to say? I never write anymore. I'm no longer an addict. I don't feel the unquenchable urge to vomit the contents of my brain into the little diaryland textbox. I don't really have any crappy things that I need to vent about. And for whatever reason, I need crappy things in order to vent. I guess my day to day life doesn't afford me enough inspiration. But maybe it does. Maybe I'm just too tired when I get home to write. No, not too tired; I use being tired as an excuse for why I don't write. I am tired right now. I worked all day. My hands got really hot through my leather gloves. My wrists are sore from ladeling hot glass. But I'm not complaining. I feel good to be working hard. I want to work hard. I don't understand people who take long breaks or work half heartedly. When I work, I work as hard as I can. In the past I've had people tell me to slow down. But that drive to work hard doesn't translate into my day to day personal activities. I'll jump on crappy tasks at work but when it comes to paying my bills, easily accomplished with a few strokes of a pen, I turn into Procrastination McGee. That is why I need to make a budget. That is why I have people threatening to take my property*. My room is a mess. Shit, I've been home for forty minutes and I still haven't taken off my jacket. I'm not cold. OK, I took off my jacket. Now I am kind of cold. Maybe I should put it back on. Nah, that's a lot of effort. The procrastination transfers to eating, sleeping, waking up, bathing, hair cutting, nail clipping, you name it, I can do it later. I just don't understand those two different aspects of my personality. One, the hard working go getter, and the other, the lazy, aloof, long-haired, long-nailed, smelly jackass. Even now I'm thinking about cleaning my room or cooking myself some food. I'm not going to do either of those things. I'm more concious of my procrastination now than usual and still, no action. Only words. Jesus God, I am a loser. * Property is merely a theoretical term. I own no valuable property. One more thing, just a picture I took in Venice that I like:  |