I'll tell you something, I'm in a fucked up place right now. OK, so nobody died (thank God) or anything like that, but my (now) ex did something that she calls "shitty but necessary." Now she feels happy! Myself, personally, I feel crappy!

I have been up and down over the past two weeks. Sometimes I feel like Leonardo Dicaprio on the bow of the Titanic, the King of the World. Other times I feel like Leonardo Dicaprio when he freezes to death in the cold cold Atlantic Ocean, like I should slip quietly away. But I don't feel like that now. I feel confused. I mean, I want to be over her, but how do you get to do something like that. It isn't really like turning off a light, it is more like putting out a large fire, it is a process.

Man, what is up with the damn metaphors? I really don't normally speak like this, I promise.

But it is painful to realize that someone feels the free, more free than ever before, after getting rid of you. And to top that all off, I'm trying to be "friends" with her. Maybe I shouldn't. Mabye I should be in a rage, taking my pain out on all the world, like some sort of supervillain. Or maybe I'm doing the right thing.

I mean, I can only be so mad or sad for so long, but am I rushing it? Should I be madder for longer? Should I call her a bitch, or a retard, or something equally petty? I don't think so, but that is what a lot of people would do. Shit, I thought I was doing OK. Now I realize that I have a long way to go.

Being rejected is shitty.

PS -- Gentle reader, don't hate me for the lame Titanic references. I don't know who I am anymore.