I feel like such a loser because I can still be a complete wreck in regard to my former girlfriend. I've been trying to have a good time recently. I have been having a good time recently. Today I've been finishing my move up. I've been finding all kinds of old cards. Waves of sadness and depression came over me. I talked to my mom on the phone. She said that I only call her when I'm sad. I'll try to change that. But I cried my eyes out when I was on the phone with her. I don't understand how I can be ok for one moment and then a complete blubbering fool the next. It makes me sad that I am still struggling to get over this. We used to be in love. We aren't anymore. It is so damn logical.

I want to know why we can't still be in love. I want to know where that went. I want to know why I feel so helpless. I want to know that she isn't over me. I want to know that I will be ok. I want to know that she will be ok.

Most of all, I want to give up.