I don't even know where to start with what's been going on with me and to my stoopid mind. Right now I miss Stephanie. Don't worry this isn't because of her, I just miss having someone who really knows and loves me to talk to. Not that we aren't talking, we are, it is just late and she's got to work in the morning. I want to be there soon, I want to be the person that has to sleep because he gets up early in the morning.

So I went back to Portland on Monday. I wound up hanging out with some of my sister's friends. I like them, they are nice. Then I went back to her house and drank lots of beer. The next day Liz and I went and had lunch together. I really love my sister. She has to be my favorite person in the world. She also helped me to pick out some clothes. I'm insanely fashion challenged but I figure if I have enough help I can move back to Portland and look cool. I need to trick people into liking me, you see. So then I went out with a girl from the personals, the Indian one. We had a good time together. But I'm afraid that I'm going to do something stoopid to scare her away. Like I want to talk to her but if I talk to her too much she won't want to talk to me anymore. Basically I feel like I have to cool off for a bit before I talk to her again. I wonder what's happened to the even keel guy of a few days ago. He's been replaced by the guy you all know and love (?), the guy who overanalyzes everything. Lame is what I say about that. I will be cool about this. I have to be. I'm pretty sure though, that this whole online dating thing is something that I don't want to get too into. It is against my personality. But maybe that's a good thing. I don't even know. I don't feel much like writing right now but I am.

I applied at my Liz's boyfriend's work. I'm also doubting that I'll get that. I think what is happening is that I've been positive because I am looking forward to all of these big changes but now when they are beginning I get scared. Dating and job hunting are ways of putting yourself out there. Ways of being evaluated. I hate being negatively evaluated. Well, I've got news for myself, it fucking happens.

Ugh.