My life is kind of empty right now. I don't know if I should be trying to fill it with something meaningful or if I should just go on like this for a while. I'm letting myself be dominated by the day to day grind of work and getting up early. I don't have anything that I'm passionate about. I'm trying to make reading that thing. I have been reading a lot ever since I moved back to Portland. It is a good feeling. So I guess there is that. Mainly, I feel like I'm living my life as a passive observer and not an active participant. I guess that is sometimes ok. It has to be or else I'd be constantly worn out. I have goals that I've set for myself and I'm working to achieve them. Unfortunately, I won't be able to do meet those goals for about a year. So I'm in for the long haul. Money is my primary motivation right now. Money is the driving force in my day to day life. I need more money than I have. Therefore I need to work more. It is simple but feels hopeless at times. I stare at my debt (not really that much, but enough) and wonder how I'll ever get out. I make poor decisions with my money. It must be because of my overwhelming abundance of it when I first lived on my own. Now I make less than I did then, and I have more financial obligations. Two or three years ago I figured I would be financially stable by this point in my life. I know why I'm not. I left the line of work in which I earned a lot of money. I don't regret that decision. I was unhappy doing it. It sucked up all my time because I let it. It hurt my personal relationships because I let it. I had to get out. I'm glad I did, but I wish I had developed better habits with my money. Gone are the days when one check could easily cover rent. Gone are the days when I didn't have to keep track of the money in my account. Gone are the days when I could go to Fry's and spend hundreds of dollars on things just because I felt like it. That is ok. I don't need to spend all that money. I just wish I wasn't in debt. It is my own damn fault. At least I acknowledge that. It is a good learning experience. Hopefully I will actually remember to take notes. * * * * * * * * * * * * * *Here's a picture I took of St. Peter's in Rome. I like posting my photos here so maybe more to come. Tell me this doesn't look fake... ...and that I don't look like a retard. One more. The Forum Romanum. I don't remember which ruins. |